


it froze me

by loonylu



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Injury, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Misunderstandings, Nightmares, POV Peter, PSA: i'm writing this to process my own trauma by projecting onto Juno, Past Abuse, References to Drugs, Sexual Content, Trans Peter Nureyev, compartmentalization (juno's real good at that), if that's not gonna be good for you please don't read, juno draws boundaries, peter's alias is Anais Lim, rita's shovel talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 15:14:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18853633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonylu/pseuds/loonylu
Summary: a mission goes very, very wrong. another piece of juno's past comes to light. juno draws a boundary.





	it froze me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I posted this last week and took it down a few hours later after some negative reactions. It's been edited to be slightly less graphic. Others have asked that I put it back up, so here we are. 
> 
> Recently, my fic has gotten some pushback, mostly due to its themes of trauma and PTSD. I want to be really, really clear: I write these fics to help me process my experiences of childhood abuse and assault. It's cathartic for me, and i think there's a wonderful and affirming community of survivors here that i like to share that catharsis with. if you do not think that would be helpful for you, I ask that you do not read this fic. Projecting onto Juno is helpful for me, but it's completely fine if that's not what you want to read. 
> 
> anyway, this fic is not particularly graphic but does deal with an attempted sexual assault that triggers flashbacks to a nonspecific past sexual assault. While the fic does not revolve around the following themes, it also references domestic violence, drugging, and misguided attitudes towards sex.

Juno is undercover. It’s not ideal, but the nuclear arms dealer they’re trying to take down has a well-known predilection for lady boxing champions. Juno’s got the build and the scars of a talented boxer, and Peter decidedly doesn’t, so Juno’s the one who is pretending to be up-and-coming Martian boxer Selina Morales. Juno is dressed in a tight red dress, heels high and makeup dark. His eyepatch is velvet. Peter picked it out.

 

Juno slides into the smoky booth where Orson and his cronies huddle around overcooked cricket pad Thai. They all look up at him suspiciously.

 

Peter’s a bartender, so he has to observe from across the room while serving as many whiskeys as he can pour. Juno is wearing a microphone disguised as an elaborate ear cuff – one of Peter’s favorites – so the crew can hear what Juno is saying, but Juno can’t hear anything from the rest of the crew.

 

“Come here often?” Juno drawls.

 

“Often enough,” Orson says, eyeing Juno up and down. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

 

“Selina Morales. You?”

 

“You must not come here often if you don’t know who I am,” Orson chuckles.

 

“Just got back from Mars, actually. Boxing competition.” Juno confidently shifts towards Orson, getting into his personal space. A flash of jealously jolts through Peter.

 

Orson snaps his fingers at a passing waiter. “Get the lady a drink,” he says.

 

“Aren’t you generous,” Juno purrs. “Whiskey, neat.” The sultry tone is so far out of Juno’s usual mannerisms that Peter nearly snorts. Over the comms, Vespa does snort.

 

“I try to buy drinks for every handsome lady I come across,” Orson says, placing a hand on Juno’s knee. “Call it congratulations for your win.”

 

“How’d you know I won?” Juno asks with a note of suspicion.

 

“You seem like the type,” Orson says, trailing his hand up Juno’s thigh. “Lady with as many scars as you, I’d like to see the other guy.”

 

Juno chuckles, throws back his drink. “Cheeky, aren’t you,” he says, teasing.

 

“I try.”

 

“You’d better,” Juno says, putting his arms around Orson’s neck.

 

Peter turns away. There’s no need for him to see Juno kissing someone else.

 

First rule of thieving, Pete, his mind coughs up. Never get attached to anything you can lose. Peter tells his brain to shut up and does not think about Mag. He knows Juno would never flirt like that as himself, never trail fingertips down sides or thighs with a smile.

 

Peter wishes, sometimes, that Juno would look at him like that outside of sex.

 

***

 

“You want me to what?” Juno’s eye is wide.

 

“Seduce the arms dealer, get him to his room, and then knock him out so we can kidnap him and use his fingerprint to get into his computer system.” Buddy tries to run a comb through Juno’s hair. It gets stuck. Juno winces.

 

“You want me to seduce him?” Juno eyes Peter, who is painting Juno’s ragged fingernails. “You’re okay with this?”

 

Peter barely glances up. “All part of the job, dear,” he says absentmindedly. Peter is jealous at heart but understands the mission must go on.

 

“And I’m definitely the only one who can do it,” Juno says flatly.

 

“You’re the only one of us who could plausibly be a boxer, aside from Jet,” Buddy points out. “And Jet needs to drive.”

 

“Okay. I’ll do it,” Juno says, but there is anxiety in his eyes.

 

***

  
It takes so little time for Orson to take Juno by the wrists and gesture to the elevators. Peter can see the carefully disguised tension in Juno’s shoulders, can see how much he hates being pulled by his wrists.

 

“I shouldn’t – “ Juno is still half-laughing at some inane joke.

 

“Don’t be a fucking tease, Selina. Come up and have a drink with me.” The elevator doors slide open and Orson pulls Juno inside. A couple of Orson’s goons follow at a distance.

 

 Peter catches a glimpse of Juno’s face as Orson pins him against the elevator wall, kissing his neck. Juno’s eyes are shut tight, face drawn.

 

Peter’s earpiece comes to life. “Update?” Buddy’s voice is quiet. She’s been hidden in the laundry room for hours now.

 

“Juno and Orson should be heading to the seventeenth floor now. As soon as Juno calls for room service, get in position,” Nureyev hisses as he loudly scoops ice.

 

***

 

Juno is dressed spectacularly, and it’s taking all of Peter’s self-control not to strip him out of the dress and leave lipstick stains down his neck. Peter is rummaging in Juno’s top drawer, searching for the perfect eyepatch.

 

“Velvet?” Juno says eventually.

 

Peter turns to look. The soft fabric complements his lipstick.

 

“Perfect. You look ravishing, darling.”

 

“Nureyev?” Juno asks hesitantly, sitting down on the bed they share more nights than not.

 

“Yes, love?’

 

“Are you sure you’re okay with me doing this? If you’re uncomfortable, I can… I don’t know.” Juno twists the hem of his dress. He seems more uncomfortable than Peter would expect.

 

“Did you mind that I flirted with that heiress on Elion when we needed her passcode?” Peter asks. It’s a genuine question.

 

“God, no,” Juno says immediately. “That didn’t bother me at all. It wasn’t... it didn’t feel like…” Juno swallows and Peter can see he might cry. “I just… what if you decide you mind later?”

 

“Then we talk about it,” Peter says. “Rational conversation between two adults.” He leans forward, kisses the top of Juno’s head. Notes Juno’s almost-imperceptible flinch.

 

“Okay,” Juno says, letting his eye drift shut.

 

***

 

Peter tells his manager he’s going for a smoke break, and then changes into his stashed concierge uniform. He slides into the kitchen – a busy intergalactic hotel, of course no one notices him – and is just in time to grab the tray for room 1748. The room Orson has been staying in for the last nine days while meeting with Outer Rim guerrilla groups.

 

Peter takes the service elevator, angling his face away from the cameras. The tray is silver and heavy, borne down with a bottle of scotch and two glasses. Under the guise of adjusting the glasses on the tray, Peter coats them both with a fine layer of a fast-acting sedative from a tube hidden in his sleeve. Juno has strict instructions not to drink from these glasses.

 

***

 

“I can’t even drink the alcohol?”

 

“No, darling, for the umpteenth time. You need to get him to order some kind of alcohol so Anais can bring it up to the room with the sedative.”

 

“I haven’t seduced anyone while sober… in a while.” Juno steals a guilty glance at Peter.

 

“I would argue I did the seducing there, detective,” Peter says wryly.

 

 “I’m sure your technique will wow us all,” Buddy quips.

 

Buddy rolls her eye. Juno rolls his. Peter merely looks to the heavens in search of his lost patience, which is not the same thing as rolling his eyes, thank you, no matter what Juno says.

 

***

 

The elevator doors slide open. Peter steps out into the hallway, face carefully averted from the security cameras. Rita swore she could erase the video, but Peter prefers not to take chances with his identity.

 

In his earpiece, Peter hears, “Room service should be here in a minute.”

 

“Sure,” comes Orson’s faint reply. “Then I want you to take your clothes off.”

 

Peter stops in front of room 1748. One of the fancier suites in the hotel. Four guards standing around the door, looking bored but well-armed. Peter stops and notes the “do not disturb” light flashing under the keypad. This is not the plan.

 

“Room service,” he says to the guards.

 

“Just give it to me,” one of the goons says. “Boss is busy.”

 

In his earpiece, Juno says with a barely-strained laugh, “Not so fast. Try romancing me a little. Let’s have that drink first.”

 

“You wouldn’t have come up here if you wanted goddamn flowers and rainbows,” Orson says, tinny over the short-range microphone. “Do you know who I am?”

 

“Room service,” Peter calls in a strong Venusian accent.

 

“Thanks,” one of the goons says, relieving him of the tray. A hand clamps on his shoulder, and Peter lets the guard turn him around and push him back towards the elevators. Peter thinks he can hear Juno breathing harshly.

 

“Don’t you want that drink?” Juno says, but his voice sounds less strong. “I ordered the good stuff.”

 

“Not now,” Orson says. It’s louder. He must be closer to Juno’s microphone. “I want you to get on the fucking bed.”

 

“I’m flattered, Orson, but I should go back downstairs – “

 

“Go back downstairs? You little slut. You’re such a fucking tease,” Orson growls. There is the sound of fabric ripping.

 

All Peter can hear is Juno’s fast, shallow breath and Orson’s muttered cursing for a moment, until Juno takes a sharp breath and says “No – “ and then a sharp crack and buzzing sound causes Peter to clap a hand to his ear in pain. Peter can’t hear Orson and Juno – the slap must have knocked Juno’s earpiece out, or broken it, or something.

 

Peter turns a corner. “Mission compromised,” he hisses into his earpiece.

 

“Yes it goddamn is,” Vespa hisses back. “We’re in the elevator now. Do not try to take on the guards by yourself, you hear me?”

 

“Juno’s in trouble,” Peter says, wrestling a lockpick from a hidden compartment in the bottom of his shoe.

 

“Stay put, Anais,” Buddy says. “You need backup.”

 

“Can’t,” Peter says, pulling a knife from under his jacket. “Orson’s got Juno.”

 

“And Orson’s got four men. Stay put. Four blasters against one knife probably isn’t going to work in your favor, Peter.”

 

“But – “

 

“If Orson hears you take out the guards, he could kill Juno while you’re picking the lock,” Vespa cuts in. “Buddy and I are in the elevator.”

 

“Juno, if you can hear us,” Buddy says, “hold on.”

 

***

 

They are lying in Peter’s bed. Peter’s curled around Juno’s warm body. Juno is tracing patterns on Nureyev’s chest with his fingers, rubbing thumbs over the faint scars under his nipples. Peter’s strap-on lies forgotten on the floor. Peter presses his face into Juno’s hair. It’s a quiet moment, a moment they’ve hardly had before. No secrets or fear between them.

 

“Thank you,” Juno says eventually.

 

Peter twists to make eye contact. “What for?”

 

“Being so… good. For me. I just…” Juno trails off, cheeks pinking. “You forgave me.”

 

“I did,” Peter says.

 

“That’s not… I mean, I didn’t expect you to. I’m just glad you did. Most people wouldn’t. Honestly, I thought you were gonna hit me.”

 

“I wouldn’t hit you, Juno,” Peter says, sitting up. “Why do you say that?”

 

“Don’t worry about it, just get back down here and kiss me already,” Juno grumps.

 

Peter decides to let it go. For now.

 

***

 

It feels like an age before Buddy and Vespa emerge from the service elevator. Their blasters are drawn. Peter joins them wordlessly, and together they edge back towards the guards.

 

Before they round the last corner, Buddy raises a closed fist. Peter and Vespa stop. Buddy points to Vespa and herself, and Peter understands – let Buddy and Vespa take the firefight, and let Peter get to the room and pick the lock. Peter nods.

  
In an instant, the hallway is filled with concentrated light. Two of the guards are stunned as soon as they start firing. One has time to screech out a “Boss – “before Vespa’s stun blast hits him in the forehead.

 

The last one is Peter’s. In a few strides, Peter’s knife is at the woman’s throat. “Do not make a sound,” Peter hisses. The woman nods frantically.

 

“What’s going on?” Orson shouts through the door, panting slightly.

 

“Punch in the passcode,” Peter whispers.

 

“I can’t,” the guard mouths. “He locks himself in with the do-not-disturb.”

 

“You are not helpful,” Peter hisses, and knocks her in the temple with the hilt of his knife. The guard’s body crashes to the floor, which in hindsight was not a great plan. Juno has a way of making Peter’s elegant plans go haywire.

 

“What the fuck is going on out there?” Orson yells.

 

The do-not-disturb light blinks off and Peter hears the locks begin to disengage. Perhaps not a bad plan after all. Peter spares a glance back at Vespa and Buddy. Buddy mouths _do not kill him._ Peter scowls and turns back around and then waits for the door to open.

 

Normally, Peter’s instinct is to stab first and figure it out later. _First rule of thieving, Pete,_ Mag’s voice taunts. _A little violence can go a long way_.

 

But when Orson’s shaved head emerges from the room, Peter’s knife is still. He feels frozen. After a single, tense second, Buddy stuns Orson, look of surprise frozen on his face. Peter all but leaps over Orson’s body and surveys the scene.

 

***

 

“All I can say is that I’m so sorry, Nureyev. If there was anything I could do to make it up to you, I would.” Juno finishes his speech, looks down at his scuffed shoes, looks like he wishes his coat would swallow him whole. He’s braced for something, and his eyes track Peter’s hands.

 

Peter looks at him, reaches out with a single finger he places under Juno’s chin. Juno looks up, his one big beautiful eye shining. Peter feels the last jagged shards of anger melt away. Peter takes two steps forward, invades Juno’s space.

 

“I’m still a fool,” Peter mutters, putting his hands on Juno’s waist.

 

“That makes two of us,” Juno says desperately, pressing his palms to Peter’s chest like a brand, looking up at him like a benediction.

 

That’s all Peter can reasonably stand, so he closes the gap between them and then everything narrows to lips and teeth and Juno’s blessed little moans.

 

***

 

Juno is lying facedown on the mattress. He’s not moving, just breathing shallow and quick. He’s certainly not unconscious, but he doesn’t look up when Peter approaches him. The red dress is torn nearly in half, underwear and tights ripped down. Peter puts a hand on Juno’s shoulder. There is no response.

 

“Juno?” Peter asks slowly.  

 

No response, but Peter thinks he hears mumbling. Leaning close to Juno’s head, Peter hears Juno mutter “No, no, no, no, please, please let me go,” over and over, and Peter feels sick.

 

 There are some things you can tell about Juno’s past without him saying the words. Things that are laid out in how he carries himself, spelled out as starkly as the keloid scar across the bridge of his nose. This is one of the things Peter had always suspected, but there’s no time to process right now.

 

“Juno, sweetheart, it’s me, it’s Nureyev,” Peter whispers. “You’re safe. Orson is stunned. I’m going to cover you with my jacket, okay?”

 

Juno does not move but begins to sob into the blanket. “Nureyev?” he chokes out, turning his head. “I’m so sorry, Nureyev,” Juno begins.

 

“More guards on their way,” Vespa calls.

 

Buddy curses and begins to fire through the open door. “We’ve got company.”

 

“Love, we’ll talk in a minute – I just need you to get up. We have to go right now.” There’s a note of desperation in Peter’s voice that Juno must hear.

 

“Okay,” Juno says numbly, and starts to move.

 

It’s amazing to watch. Peter watches Juno sit up, visibly compartmentalize what has happened, in the way only traumatized people can. Peter suddenly understands perfectly how Juno has survived the kind of life he’s had. Juno rips the rest of the dress, knots it around his waist.

 

“Jacket?” Juno asks, avoiding eye contact. Peter hands it over wordlessly. Juno wraps it around himself and takes a deep breath.

 

“Vespa?” Juno says, voice cracking. “Got a spare blaster for me?”

 

***

 

Rita sits him down the next day. Peter doesn’t know how she knows that Juno finally apologized to him. Perhaps Juno told her.

 

“Mister Anais Rex Lim Glass!” Rita shouts. Well, she probably didn’t shout, but Peter doesn’t like loud noises on his best day. “We gotta talk about Mister Steel.”

 

“Anais is fine, Rita. What should we talk about?” Peter has the odd feeling that he’s just along for the ride in this conversation.

 

“Couple a’ things. First! The boss ain’t got no good sense of self preservation, but you probably knew that.” Rita talks with her hands.

 

“Yes, I did know that,” Peter says wryly.

 

“Second!” Rita continues as if he isn’t there, “Mister Steel loves you.”

 

Peter feels his heart skip a beat.

 

“But historically speakin’ that means he doesn’t think he can stand up to you! He’ll let you do whatever you want. Not in a good way!” Rita leans forward. “The third thing you gotta know is that the boss has had some bad things happen to him. Bad people, too. If you’re gonna be one of those bad people for him I’m gonna have to do some real bad things to you!” Rita’s index finger jabs him in the chest.

 

“When you say bad things and bad people…” Peter has found that an artful trailing off can lead to more information from many people. Especially the talkative ones.

 

“Well, most of his past datemates hurt him real bad. Broken bones and black eyes and stuff. Are you planning to hurt him?” Rita asks suspiciously.

 

“Never!” Peter says as earnestly as he can. “I would never do anything to hurt Juno.”

 

“Well, good,” Rita says. “Want some snacks?”

 

***

 

Juno shoots his way out. His aim is as good as it’s ever been with one eye, meaning Peter’s heart breaks into a million tiny pieces every time Juno misses a shot he would have made before meeting Peter. If Peter had never gotten involved with Miasma…

 

But there’s no time. Orson’s goons are closing in, and Peter and Buddy are half-dragging Orson’s unconscious body while Vespa and Juno provide covering fire. It isn’t going well. But they need Orson’s fingerprint to take down the nuclear armament deal.

 

“Drop him!” They come to a dead end – just a window overlooking the city. In his peripheral vision, Peter sees Juno visibly understand the plan and shut his eye tight.

 

Peter makes an executive decision that Buddy probably won’t like and drops Orson on the floor unceremoniously. “He’s all yours.” Peter wrenches open the window, jumps out without looking.

 

He lands, of course, in the Ruby Seven fifteen feet down, but the goons don’t know that. Buddy and Vespa jump after him. Peter sees Juno hesitating on the windowsill.

 

“Come on!” Peter calls.

 

Juno’s eye is wide. Peter watches him closely, so he can see the moment when Juno’s face freezes. He’s been stunned in the back, so he teeters and for a moment he thinks Juno will fall backwards, back into Orson’s grip, but instead Juno falls forward.

 

“Jet!” Peter screams. Jet maneuvers the car as quickly as he can, but -

 

Juno, tumbling through the air, lands with a sickening crunch on the trunk of the car. Peter scrambles over to him. Juno’s scalp is bleeding, his wrist is bent at an unnatural angle – but he’s breathing. As soon as Juno is safely inside the car, the Ruby Seven whistles and puts the top back up.

 

“Get out of the way,” Vespa snaps, pulling a first aid kit out from under her seat.

 

Peter gets out of the way but can’t resist keeping one of Juno’s hands in his own, even as Vespa glares at him.

 

***

 

Juno wakes up gasping their second night together on the ship. Peter – usually a very light sleeper – wakes up immediately.

 

Juno is sitting up, hunched over with his face in his shaking hands. He’s breathing shallow and shaky.

 

“Juno?” Peter whispers.

 

“Nightmare, it’s nothing,” Juno mutters into his hands.

 

Peter sits up. “Would it help to talk about it?”

 

“I –  I don’t know,” Juno grits out. “I just – I can’t.”

 

“Can I touch you, Juno?”

 

Juno nods almost imperceptibly. So Peter gathers the detective in his arms and lies down with him, petting through his hair and humming. Slowly, Juno’s breath evens out and he stops shaking.

 

“I’m sorry,” Juno says quietly.

 

“Nothing to be sorry about, love,” Peter says breezily.

 

“I just – thank you,” Juno says, twisting to look Peter in the eyes.

 

Peter just nods, and they both try to sleep.

 

***

 

Jet carries Juno to their little infirmary as soon as they get back on board. Peter trails behind, feeling particularly useless.

 

Buddy pulls him aside before Peter enters the infirmary. “Anais, you have to give Vespa room to work. You can be there as soon as she’s done.” Buddy takes his hand, leads him to the mess. Jet follows behind her.

 

Peter says nothing, but his hands are shaking. He looks down at the stained tabletop, his immaculate manicure, his long fingers. Buddy slides a cup of tea into his field of vision, and he looks up.

 

“What went wrong?” Buddy asks, not unkindly.

 

“I… I don’t know. You heard as much as I did,” Peter deflects, looking back down.

 

“Anais.” Buddy isn’t buying it.

 

“He was reluctant,” Peter forces out. “He didn’t want to go, but he did anyway. I think he had some kind of panic attack and froze up.”

 

“Why didn’t he say he did not want to go through with our plan?” Jet asks.

 

“I’m not the authority on why and how Juno Steel does things,” Peter snaps. “Maybe he felt like he couldn’t say no.”

 

“Anyone can say no – “ Buddy starts, shaking her head.

 

“From my impression of Juno’s life up to this point? That seems unlikely.” Peter shoves out of his chair, starts to pace. Anger is building in his chest. “We told him to seduce a man we knew had tendencies towards sexual violence, just assuming that Juno would be able to handle it? We let him go up to Orson’s room with no weapons or backup? What the hell is wrong with us?” Peter throws his hands in the air.

 

“Calm down,” Buddy grinds out. “We fucked up. No, I fucked up, I’m in charge here. We’ll talk to Steel once he wakes up. But right now, you need to calm down. You’re no use to anyone like this, darling.”

 

Peter drags a hand over his face, knowing his mascara will smear. “Fine.”

 

Vespa opens the door to the mess. “He’s awake,” she says. Vespa looks tired.

 

***

 

Juno is usually a very verbal lover. Today, though, he’s very quiet. It makes Peter a bit nervous, just a small twinge in his gut.

 

Peter pulls away to reposition himself over Juno’s face, knees by Juno’s shoulders, but sees a spark of fear in Juno’s eyes as Peter settles over him. “Juno, my dear love, are you sure you want this right now?” Peter asks, concerned.

 

“I said you could fuck my face, didn’t I?” Juno leans up, takes the nub of Peter’s cock in his mouth, and sucks hard.

 

“If you’re sure,” Peter pants as his thighs shake.

 

***

 

Juno is sitting up in bed when Peter enters. Juno flinches as the door opens, and then looks down at his lap. Juno is wearing a medical gown, the ripped remains of his dress relegated to a far corner of the infirmary.

 

“Hi, Nureyev,” Juno says lowly.

 

“How are you feeling? Are you all right?” Peter flutters over Juno before settling into a chair.

 

Juno reaches out and takes his hand. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a broken wrist and some bruises. Not to mention a very uncomfortable laser burn on my back,” he grimaces. “Bone-knitting injections should have my wrist fixed by tomorrow night. I’ve had worse.”

 

“I don’t doubt it,” Peter says in an undertone.

 

“Nureyev, I – I fucked up. I’m so sorry. I froze up, I ruined the mission – “

 

“Hush, Juno, you didn’t ruin anything,” Peter says, rubbing a thumb over the back of Juno’s hand. “Do you want to talk to me about what happened?”

 

“I thought I could do it. Seduce him, and drug him, and I – I just got stuck in my head. It’s just sex, I kept trying to remind myself it was just sex and taking Orson down would save so many people. I just froze, I couldn’t do anything, I’m so sorry.” A tear slips down Juno’s cheek.

 

Peter freezes. “Juno. Did you think we wanted you to have sex with Orson?”

 

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t do it,” Juno says tightly. “After he slapped me – I don’t know.”

 

“Juno. I know I speak for Buddy and Vespa and Jet and everyone when I say that you were never expected to sleep with Orson to complete the mission. No one here will ever force you to do anything sexual against your will,” Peter says, mind reeling.

 

Juno just looks confused. “Then what did you mean by seduction?”

 

“All you needed to do was convince Orson to have a drink with you in his room,” Peter says slowly. “You were supposed to flirt with him and knock him out once you got him alone while we distracted the guards outside the door.”

 

Juno snorts and lies back down. “You can’t just flirt with someone, promise sex and not follow through, I’m not a tease.”

 

Peter has to shut his eyes a moment. “Juno. You never have to have sex you don’t want to have, with me or anyone else, no matter what you say, no matter what you do. That’s how it works.”

 

Juno shuts his eye tight and rolls to face the wall. “Not in my experience,” he says in a tiny voice.

 

Peter’s heart breaks. “Juno,” he begins, but Juno cuts him off.

 

“I don’t want you to pity me, Nureyev,” he says harshly. “I’ve had a lot of bad shit happen in my life, and sometimes – sometimes things just get overwhelming. I – I’ve had this sort of thing happen before.” And then Juno braces himself. Visibly goes tense, prepared for a blow or cutting words.

 

Peter takes his own deep breath. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Juno.”

 

Juno squeezes his eye shut so hard it looks like it might hurt. He takes a shaky breath.

 

“Juno, darling, can I please hold you?” Peter doesn’t know what else to do. This is so far out of his comfort zone, so far outside anything he’s ever dealt with before.

 

Juno nods, and Peter gets under the blankets. Wraps himself around the small detective. Juno is shaking like a leaf.

 

“Peter?” Juno whispers.

 

Peter feels the familiar swoop in his stomach he always gets when he hears Juno call him by his first name. “Yes, love?”

 

“Can you explain this to Buddy? That I can’t do those kinds of missions anymore? Even if it means I can’t stay here – I can’t do those missions anymore.” Juno looks resolved, and Peter feels a swell of pride.

 

“Of course, love. No one will be angry, and you will always have a place on this ship. I’m so sorry we sent you into a situation like that – we should have known better,” Peter promises.

 

“Thank you,” Juno whispers.

 

“None of this is your fault,” Peter says, twisting to look Juno in the eye. “You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all.”

 

Juno’s face crumples and he sobs into Peter’s chest. Peter just holds him, pets his hair. Eventually, Juno’s breaths even out into sleep, and Peter watches over him through the night.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> title from the mountain goats "it froze me"


End file.
